I'm writing here because I know that no one i know will probably ever read it. And thats quite comforting. I stopped writing here for monthes, because I had nothing to vent, because I was happy, truly and really unquestionably. Now the source of that happiness is gone, worst of all it left me because I was bad for it -even worse- I'm writing here again for the same reasons as before. I've not had this feeling of total lack of control over my own feelings or actions for so long, I'm having to refind my feet again. Back to instability it is.. Karma is completely ass raping me for the emotional shit I caused.
hmm. the phone just rang and my friend just asked me the name of a song and all I could manage was a torrent of angry abuse. this is not good. Hence why I did'nt attend my education today. I love someone and I let them think I took them for granted, let them feel worthless, disposeable. My punishment for that is a nice deep stabwound to the ribcage. And I really dont know how to take it. I'm hurt. Upset. angry. Thats ultimately why I'm venting this repetitive shit here, so I wont start spilling to people around me, because honesty got me here. Worst of all, this needy desperation, the raw pain I got from him telling me why he did what he did will only put him off more, because who needs that around them when they can be alone, or have the prospect of some new perfect untainted person waiting for them? I won't be needy, I won't make it harder, If he wants to fuck off and leave me, then who am I to stop him?
fuck I need time.